A Grandmother's Dilemma: What Happens When "No" Is Not an Option?

Imagine being married at 14, having 17 children, widowed at 48 years of age with five children still at home to raise. Most women would have a major problem with this scenario. Yet, if that is not enough, you then assume sole responsibility for four little grandchildren -- all under the age of six.

That is the story of my paternal grandmother, Mrs. Lubertha Strickland Monk, because that is exactly what happened to her. Being saddled with this enormous responsibility, my grandmother was facing an uphill battle. Yet, she was determined to survive, which made her my hero. Although she did not have much, what she had was an abundance of love, which she was willing to give to four little grandchildren, who not only needed her love but a "home." For my grandmother, "no" was not an option.

What motivated this little African-American and half Cherokee woman to stretch her faith, push past her circumstances, and inspire others to greatness? Despite being blind, and having no more than a fourth grade education, my grandmother was a remarkable woman. She was an advocate for education and encouraged each of us to pursue our dreams. I ascertain that there were four things that motivated my grandmother to triumph over her circumstances.

First, my grandmother's priorities were in order. Given her dilemma, she could have easily harbored resentment, bitterness,and anger. Yet, she refused. Instead, she was a devout Christian. Having lived with my grandmother, it was evident that her faith was preeminent in her life. She believed that God would provide and sustain her and the family. Her favorite bible verse was "I have never seen the righteous forsaken, or its seed begging bread."

Second, my grandmother was a woman of integrity. She was well-respected in the community. Her word was truly her bond. Her life reflected her devotion to honesty. She often taught us to treat others as we would want them to treat us. Imagine what would happen in our society, if people practice this simple technique today.

Third, my grandmother believed in hard work. Before, she went blind, she maintained a little farm which enabled her to provide for her family. As children, we were not exempt from working. In addition to working on the farm, we also worked a variety of jobs. Grandmother was determined to ensure that her offspring had a strong work ethic.

Fourth, my grandmother had an amazing capacity to love people. She would give to help others when she barely had enough for herself. Because of her faith, she would often put others first. My grandmother was definitely a people-person which made her a constant source of inspiration.

In summary, faith, integrity, hard work, and love enabled my grandmother to turn what some would perceive as a major "mess" into a positive, enduring, and powerful "message." She did not allow her disability (blindness) to destroy her inner character. Since her blindness was a result of sugar diabetes, she spent time educating her family and others about the unfortunate side effects of being diabetic.